By Sadia Ghazanfar, Leadership Coach at BenchStrength Coaching

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Most women in leadership have heard some version of the same advice: be more confident. She’s already delivering. Already trusted. Already the person others turn to when things get hard. And still, somehow, the message she receives is: you need to be more.

If you are a high-performing leader who is ready for more visibility or scope but keeps waiting to feel “ready,” this is for you.

It sounds practical. It is easy to spot. It is easy to reward. It is also often backwards.

In coaching conversations, we see a familiar pattern: talented, high-performing women wait to feel ready before they take the step that would make them more visible, more influential, and more effective. They assume confidence comes first, and action follows.

The risk is not just slower growth. It is that you start outsourcing your judgment. You say yes to work that proves you are “safe,” and you delay the work that would actually expand your leadership.

But in practice, confidence is usually built after action. Courage comes first.

The confidence myth that keeps leaders small

When confidence becomes the prerequisite, growth slows down.

Not because women lack skill, but because “feeling ready” is an unreliable gatekeeper.

Leadership requires movement before certainty. A point of view before perfect language. A decision before unanimous approval. A boundary before burnout. Often the first signal isn’t a thought; it’s a tightening in the chest, a held breath, the impulse to make yourself smaller in the room. That’s the body flagging that something important is being asked of you. That’s a signal that courage is being called for.

The shift is simple: stop using confidence as the prerequisite. Start using courage as the first step, then let confidence be the byproduct.

Courage is the capacity to act in alignment with what matters, even while fear, uncertainty, or discomfort is still present.

Confidence is the feeling that often arrives later.

Confidence is built through evidence

Confidence is not a fixed personality trait. It is often evidence-based. In other words, confidence needs something to attach to.

That evidence typically comes from lived experience:

• Competence: “I can do this.”
• Self-trust: “I show up when it matters.”
• Belief: “I am capable.”
• Evidence: “I did that.”

When we avoid the moment that would stretch us, we protect comfort in the short term, but we also delay the experience that would have built confidence.

What research on self-efficacy adds to this

Psychologist Albert Bandura’s work on self-efficacy points to something many leaders intuitively know but rarely name: belief grows through experience.

Mastery experiences, successfully doing the thing, are widely described as a primary source of self-efficacy. That is one reason courage matters: it creates the conditions for mastery. What I see in coaching is this: the women who build the deepest confidence aren’t the ones who waited until they felt ready. They’re the ones who acted before they did, and let that experience become the evidence.

Said simply:

• Action builds competence.
• Competence builds self-trust.
• Self-trust develops into confidence.

Courage is a developable leadership capability

Courage is not fearlessness. It is not a personality type. It is a practice.

Most courage is not dramatic. It is small, repeated acts that compound:

• Speaking up earlier than you normally would
• Naming your recommendation without over-justifying
• Setting a boundary that matches reality

Each time you do it, you build evidence. Each time you build evidence, you build capacity.

What courage looks like in the real world (especially for women)

Voice and visibility

Courage can look like:

• Sharing your idea before it is perfectly formed
• Challenging a view you disagree with
• Taking up space without apology
• Applying for the stretch role before you meet every criterion

Real signals to watch for: if you find yourself rewriting the same email three times or holding your point until the meeting is almost over, you are not “being thoughtful.” You are often negotiating for safety.

Decision-making

Courage can sound like:

• “This is the direction I recommend.”
• “Here is what I see, and here is my call.”
• Making a decision without waiting for unanimous approval

Boundaries

Courage can look like:

• Setting realistic timelines instead of absorbing more
• Saying no instead of defaulting to yes
• Initiating the direct but respectful performance conversation

These are not dramatic acts. They are small practices of courage that compound over time into confidence.

The reframe to practice this week

Instead of asking: “Am I ready for this?”

Try asking: “What would 5% more courage look like here?”

A 10-minute practice (do this before your next meeting)

1. Write one sentence: “The point I am going to make is…”
2. Decide what “courage” looks like in that moment
3. After the meeting, capture one line of evidence: “I did it, and the outcome was…”

This is how confidence gets built. Not through hype. Through evidence.

Where BenchStrength Coaching fits

This is the kind of work we do with leaders at BenchStrength Coaching®.

In programs like Leaders on the Rise®, Women Rising®, and Managing Conflict, leaders practice these small acts of courage in real scenarios, get feedback, and build repeatable habits that strengthen self-trust and presence.

Confidence does not come first.

Courage does.

And confidence follows.